


lonesome love

by Anonymous



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, mitski lyric in title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:13:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25556404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Can I kiss you?""No."Banri frowned. "Why not?"Itaru brought his hand up to Banri's face and tried to force a smile back to his lips. "I'm not sure you want it to be me."
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Settsu Banri
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40
Collections: Anonymous





	lonesome love

He had become quite adept at telling his dreams apart from his reality. 

When the man he adored the most looked at him with fondness in his gaze, as if he were his entire worldー a look he resignedly accepted would never grace the real Itaru's featuresー he knew his mind had conjured up yet another scriptless play starring just the two of them, only the two of them; Banri, and the Itaru of his imagination, both of whom he puppeteers around, bends to his will, in ways the real them never would. 

'Banri.'

His name sounded sweet, addictingly and sickeningly so, when it came from Itaru's mouth. Banri thought it impossible to ever get enough of hearing it. 

'Taruchi,' he replied, returning the loving gaze to the man before him, standing a couple centimetres shorter than himself despite being 6 years his senior. 'Itaru-san.'

The silence that fell between them is neither comfortable nor awkward, but it doesn't matter, does it? Nobody but him will know what happened. If he can't have Itaru for himself, then he at the very least will selfishly hold onto what he has with this Itaru of his imaginationー this that had required no dramatic confession, no baring of his feelings; rather, something that simply came to be, perfectly tailored to fill the ache Banri felt for love, for Itaru.

Itaru's thin lips formed a small smile, one he usually wore. 'Banri,' he began, pink eyes expressionlessly boring into Banri's baby blues. 'What are you dreaming about, Banri?'

As he spoke, Banri wrapped his arms around Itaru's shoulders, noting how much smaller they were in comparison to his own, and brought him to his chest. 

'You.'

A laugh, at which Banri's heart squeezed. 'Me?'

'Yeah. You.'

A pair of cold, delicate hands snaked their way around Banri's back, and Banri felt himself shiver as he buried his face into Itaru's shoulder, which shook lightly as their owner's melodic laughter filled the air.

'And what are you doing?'

Banri's grip on Itaru's shoulders tightened. 'This,' he replied, and after that, it was silent. And Banri hated the silence. There was enough of it in his real life. He wanted to speak and be spoken toー he wanted to hear Itaru's voice, his laugh, his cry, his whimper, his moan; he wanted to hear Itaru say things the real him never would. A confession of love. A menagerie of sweet nothings, lovingly whispered into his ear. Something. Anything. Anything but his deafening, suffocating silence. 

Banri deeply inhaled Itaru's scent, sighing happily as he did. He was dressed up for work, but he smelled homely, familiar. Banri hated the smell of the potent cologne he wore to work. All it did was further distance him from Itaru, as if he wasn't far away enough as it was. The thought of it made something heavy and cold settle into his chest, and all he could do was pull Itaru closer to himself in hopes that his warmth would offset it.

'Stay,' he whispered, anxiety welling up in his heart and threatening to spill out. He knew that this Itaru wouldn't go anywhere, not unless he woke up. And he hated being awake, more than anything. His heart ached when he couldn't hold Itaru close like this whenever he wanted. 

'Hmm?'

Banri grimaced at Itaru's questioning tone. This Itaru was supposed to know the matters of his heart better than that. But no matter, he thought; it's not like he really minded telling his Itaru, who Banri knew would never reject him, how he feels. He lifted his head enough to rest his chin atop Itaru's shoulder.

'I love you,' he said, voice quiet and eyes downcast, 'so stay.'

He thought he heard a small, surprised noise escape Itaru, but he dismissed it, cute and endearing as it may have been. Shortly after, gentle laughter resounded from above him; it was not to mock him, but more a laugh of disbelief. Banri savored the sound of it, his usually clean and clear voice now honeyed at the edges. 

'Wake up, Banri. Come on.'

A heavy silence fell between them, again. Banri's heart sank at the words. How was this Itaru pushing him away?

'No,' he refused, 'let me have this.'

'Have what?'

'You.'

Banri closed his eyes, briefly, but it wasn't long before they snapped open again to look at the ground beneath them, which was suddenly and rapidly flooding with water. He blinked, and the water rose up to his knees, then his waist, chest, and Banri didn't have enough time to hold his breath before him and Itaru were submerged, air escaping them in bubbles and rising to the surface. Banri choked as he felt the water fill his lungs, then again when Itaru cupped his face, bringing himself closer, close enough to where their noses touched, andー

"Whaddafuck!"

Within the next instant, he was no longer drowning, and Itaru's face was no longer a breath away from his ownー rather, it was hovering above Banri's, accompanied by a plastic bottle steadily streaming cold water onto his face. Banri's eyes widened as soon as the fog in his brain lifted and he registered how close Itaru's face was to his own, and he launched himself forward, unfortunately knocking his forehead against Itaru's in the process, causing the pair to groan loudly.

"Banri, ow!" Itaru exclaimed, rubbing the quickly reddening spot on his forehead with his free hand. "That hurt!"

Banri bit his lip as he mentally recovered from the 16 different things that happened in the span of half a second. "What the hell were you all up in my business for in the first place?" he replied arduously, through gritted teeth. 

Sighing, Itaru took a swig from his water bottle before putting it down. "You fell asleep," he said, and Banri chastised himself internally for finding the way he said that so adorable. "On my couch. In the middle of the raid."

Banri perked up at thatー he did not remember anything about a raid or falling asleep in the midst of oneー and his eyes immediately caught sight of the controller he let fall to the floor. He bent over to pick it up, hoping it wasn't too nasty a fall. "You couldn't wake me up normally," he murmured, inspecting the controller for any damage. 

Itaru took the controller from Banri's hands and tossed it to the side. "These things are heavy duty, it's fine. And no, I couldn't, 'cause when I tried talking to you, you turned it into a weird full fledged conversation."

Banri's heart stopped.

"What?"

He watched Itaru intently, who looked like he was going to say something else, but ultimately decided against it, casting his gaze elsewhere. The two sat in silence, and Banri wondered if the relentless beating of his heart was audible to Itaru, too.

So... he knows. Itaru  _ knows _ . He knows now. Banri told him, and he knows. And it's his fault that he does.

Banri fisted the fabric of his sweatpants as he felt the beginning of hot tears pricking his eyes. The heavy silence went on for a couple more minutes before Banri broke it.

"So… you know," he said, his voice shaky, and if it cracked at any point he did not hear it over his heart drumming in his ears. 

Itaru's lips formed a neat line, neither smiling or frowning, and he parted them to wet them with his tongue. "Yeah."

At his response, tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but he rapidly blinked them backー he just had to get back to his room and then he… he could… 

"I'm gonna go," he said through quivering lips, suppressing his urge to sniffle by forcing a cough, and he was barely able to slide himself off the couch before he felt a tug on the sleeve of his shirt that was so gentle, he wanted to pull Itaru into his arms and cry into his shoulder until he couldn't see straight.

He whipped his head around to look at Itaru, who was now sitting with his legs crossed, facing Banri. 

"No," he began, "Come here. I'll let you have this."

He didn't need to tell Banri twice.

Within seconds, Banri had scrambled his way into Itaru's lap, looking down at him through his bloodshot eyes. He ignored the heat that had made its way from his ears down to his neck. 

"Why?" was all he could muster, to which Itaru simply shrugged in response. Banri wanted to burn the way his face looked up close into his brain foreverー his long lashes and the pink of his eyes as he peered through them, the faint cracks in his bright red lips…

Oh, his lips. How much has he dreamed about kissing those very lips until they bruised?

"Can I kiss you?"

"No."

Banri frowned. "Why not?"

Itaru brought his hand up to Banri's face and tried to force a smile back to his lips. "I'm not sure you want it to be me."

Banri's eyes widened as he tried to understand what Itaru meant. Was he just being nice about not wanting to kiss him?

"I do," he started, suddenly breaking out into a cold sweat. "I do. I want it to be you. I do."

Itaru's brows furrowed at Banri's panicked affirmations. "I'm not going to take any of your firsts, Banri," he said, and Banri felt his heart shatter.

"Why," he started, trying his honest best to keep himself together, and then he repeated himself, "why not?"

With a sigh, Itaru closed his eyes. Various feelings of discomfort began to float around in his brain, but Itaru's voice cut through them like a knife through butter. 

"You're so stubborn. You know that, right?"

Banri pressed his lips together and swallowed as he felt Itaru's hand leave his face, and choked when Itaru began palming at his dick. He opened his mouth to speak, but his words died in his throat, a pathetic, broken sound falling from his lips instead. 

Itaru chuckled at that, and Banri instinctively tried to bring his legs together, but they were firmly held in place; the knowledge that he was in such a state that  _ Itaru _ could overpower him made him whimper.

Delicate fingers languidly traced the outline of Banri's steadily hardening dick in his pants. "I'm only helping you out here," he said with such nonchalance that Banri had to squeeze his eyes shut. 

Of course. Itaru was just helping him, as his friend. The longer Banri dwelled on these thoughts, the tighter his chest felt. 

But it wasn't long before Itaru's hand began stroking Banri through his pants, and Banri felt his head spin with pleasure. It was simultaneously overwhelming and nowhere near enough; all he could do was grasp the front of Itaru's shirt like a lifeline and jerk his hips forward.

He opened his mouth to speak, to ask what was happening, to say Itaru's name one last time before this inevitably ruins what they have, maybe even to beg for moreー but Itaru stuck his index finger in Banri's mouth and all those thoughts flew right out the window. "Shh. No more words, okay?" he cooed, moving his other hand underneath Banri's shirt then dipping it into his boxers to grab hold of his already hard dick. Banri moaned and made a full bodied effort to not bite down on the finger in his mouth. 

Itaru pushed a second finger into Banri's mouth and began to thrust it inside and out, sliding Banri's tongue between his digits, grazing the sharp edges of Banri's teeth. Drool began to leak from the corner of his mouth and dribble down his chin, but neither of them paid it any mind. 

Banri eagerly sucked on Itaru's fingers, forcing them further into his mouth until he felt the dull pain of fingernails scratching at the back of his throat, but he continued to push them down this throat no matter how badly it made him want to gag. Tears fell from his eyes when he blinked, and he had half the mind to look up at Itaru, and Itaru was watching him so intently that it made his dick twitch, which broke him out of his trance. 

He felt Itaru press down on his tongue, and Banri obediently opened his mouth for him, whining when Itaru withdrew his fingers then gasping when he felt the slick digits join his other hand under his boxers. 

"I… Itaru-… san," he breathed, eyes glued to the hands working his dick. They were a bit clumsy in their movement, and Banri took pleasure in his inexperience; it meant Itaru most likely hadn't done this with anyone else before, and that thought made him giddy beyond belief. A loud moan was ripped from his throat when he felt Itaru suddenly thumb at his slit.

"Earth to Banri," he teased, running his thumb in circles around the head. "I asked if you needed anything."

Banri swallowed, belatedly noticing the mess of drool and snot on his face and shakily wiping at it with the back of his hand. "N-no, I doー _ nn _ ! Itaru-sa _ aah...n _ …!"

Itaru tortuously dug his blunt nails into the sensitive flesh of his cock each time Banri spoke. It was clear he intended to shut Banri up, but Banri couldn't hide that he was way into the rough treatment. 

"I thought we agreed on no words," he said quietly, "'cause I might fall in love if you keep that up."

A stupid noise escaped Banri as he stared at Itaru in bewilderment. Was Itaru not getting the memo here? 

"I… I want you to, though…?" he said, his tone questioning, and Itaru sighed.

"No, you don't."

Banri felt frustration rise in his chest. "I doー ah! F-fucking… mmph…"

"Stop that," Itaru said, his voice commandeering, but not cold, and Banri shuddered at that. He brought a hand to his mouth and sunk his teeth into the soft flesh at the back of it, hoping it would keep his noises somewhat at bay, if only because he thought his heart would physically break at another one of Itaru's harsh words. 

Itaru's hands began to move again, sliding the mix of Banri's saliva and precum up and down his rigid cock, and Banri couldn't help but move his hips in tandem with Itaru's strokes, his back arching when he felt Itaru squeeze the base. 

Itaru looked intently at his own ministrations, his eyes sharp. "Why are you so insatiable?" he asked through clenched teeth before rubbing the tip of Banri's dick into his palm. "And why do I like it so much?"

Banri couldn't form a response to that, even if he wanted toー his mind was starting to blank from the pleasure. He had no idea if handjobs actually felt this good, or if it's the fact that Itaru, specifically, was giving him one, that's doing it for him. All he could do was whimper and jerk his hips into Itaru's grip, hoping he was able to communicate that he wanted him to go harder, faster, to give him more and more until he couldn't take it. 

And maybe it worked, because Itaru suddenly picked up speed, and his previously loose grip tightened as he jerked Banri off with a renewed fervor. Banri cried out, teeth digging into skin until he tasted blood in his mouth, and he briefly wondered what Itaru would look like with his lips bloodied from kissing. 

Without thinking, he reached out with his injured hand to run his thumb across the curve of Itaru's lip, ignoring the blood trickling down the length of his arm. Itaru shot him a dangerous look, but didn't stop him beyond that, and instead, continued stroking his shaft, slowly going faster and faster until Banri had to clasp his hand over his mouth again to stop himself from screaming out Itaru's name. 

He was close. He felt a searing heat begin to pool in his stomach, teetering on the edge of being unbearable. Tears began to form in his eyes, and he let loose with the noises, moaning and crying incoherently into his hand, desperate for some kind of release from the full-bodied pleasure he was feeling. 

He focused on Itaru's face. He took in the way his soft pink eyes were clouded over, and he suddenly felt dizzy with the realization that Banri was the recipient of his undivided attention for once. It was such an intoxicating feeling, he knew he was about to spend the rest of his life chasing a similar high, but nothing would ever come close. The heat of his gaze on his body, his hands and fingers wrapped around his cock and getting him offー it was so surreal, and it felt so good; if he didn't know any better, he'd have believed it to be a dream. But it wasn't. The man he loved so much was really doing this to him.  _ For _ him. 

Banri loved him. He really did. Why couldn't he see that?

One final squeeze was enough to send Banri over the edge, his vision suddenly whiting out from the pleasure that just shot through his entire body, crying as he spilled his seed all over Itaru's hands, which were helping him through his orgasm, and himself.

In his daze, he grabbed onto Itaru's shoulders, buried his head in his chest, and began to sob. 

And he didn't stop, not even when he was able to think clearly again. 

He felt Itaru's fingers thread through his hair at some point and lost it, crying and wailing into Itaru's chest until his throat felt raw. He was more scared of the fact that he had no clue why this was happening than anything else.

Eventually, he'd calmed down, but neither of them made an attempt to move. Banri felt his eyes grow heavy, and he absentmindedly wondered what dreams he'd have if he fell asleep in Itaru's arms.

Of an Itaru-san that will let me love him, he thought, or said; he wasn't sure, because he drifted off soon after, away to his lonely heaven.

**Author's Note:**

> hello ladies and entities banita anon had another gay banita crisis and pissed something out in 2 days.  
> couple of things!  
> 1\. thank you guys so much for the support on my last fic! it made my entire month ngl. blows kisses to the crowd  
> 2\. this was probably horribly ooc but god gave me literacy in the english language and im gonna use it.   
> 2.5. also unbeta'd and pulled together at 3 am so you might run across something that directly contradicts that statement.  
> 3\. banri whore


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